spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
