You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
