Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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