Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
