This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
