Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
