Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
