That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
