Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize