So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
