Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
