True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
