Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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