Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
a search helicopter?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
