she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
