I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
