Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
