Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
