Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
