She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
