Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
