So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
