Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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