I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
