the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
