My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
