I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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