whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
