you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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