you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
