Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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