I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
