My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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