I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
