piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
