i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i out mim tonsoeep
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