It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
