I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
