you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
