I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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