Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
