I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
