i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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