That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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