you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my liver is dry heaving
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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