How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sarcasm needs its own font
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
