Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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