I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
