If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
