Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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