PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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