He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
