as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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