Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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