mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think i have herpe
just one?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
