puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
