I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
