Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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