I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just had sex bonerless
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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