I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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