And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
