Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize