I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
