wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
