So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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