Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
