did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
